ealistically speaking, I had no expectation I would be arm in arm with my celebrity crush, primarily due to the fact that I have no connection or any form of association. Still, it pains me.

There's a specific kind of grief in wanting something you've accepted you'll never have — a person, a celebrity, even a character from a show — but more than that, a life you envisioned for yourself, or a job you wanted that just isn't going to happen. And it doesn't always come down to a lack of trying on your end. Sometimes it's bigger than you — politics, family, the way the world is moving right now.

It's a kind of grasping at straws: right person, wrong time. We usually only apply that phrase to people, but I think it belongs everywhere. There's always a right thing for someone at the wrong time, and the real work is learning how to accept that and move on. The same goes for wrong person, right time — which is really just another name for settling.

Settling has this reputation as a failure, like it means you'll never reach your potential, like it's the thing you do when you've given up. I don't think that's true. I think settling has been misconstrued as something negative when really, it can just be grief finding its way into peace with what's already in front of us.

Accepting that doesn't mean the desire disappears — the unattainable crushes, the version of the life we wanted — none of that stops existing just because we let it go. It just means learning to look at what's actually here instead. And it's okay to settle into that.

To settle is to let go of the barriers you've built around your idea of yourself, of other people, of how things were supposed to go. You put yourself so high in a castle that all you can see is the distance — never what's right in front of you.

Nikki Glaser had a great interview on Alex Cooper's Call Her Daddy podcast, where they discussed Glaser's not-so-traditional relationship with her on-and-off long-term man. My takeaway was when Glaser touched on the idea of settling — not as a bad thing, but as something everyone does. You're never going to find the Superman you've created in your head; there's always gonna be a little tweak, but ultimately you choose to let that go and settle on the fact that your Superman is not going to turn out exactly like you'd envisioned… and that is ok. The same sentiment goes for other aspects in our lives, like a dream job or home we scouted on Zillow years ago.

Maybe you have to decide whether to live in bum-f**k-not-dream-city but have your dream job — you're choosing between the city and the career — so you have to let go of one… even deeper, though, you are letting go of that initial ideation; you are opening up to new possibilities and new opportunities rather than succumbing to an "all or nothing" mindset.

Ourhhh my goshhh! I never told you my little celebrity crush!

I cannot say who my crush of such high stature is because, well, to be sooo very honest, I have many crushies…

My usual type is maybe a Jacob Elordi, Paul Mescal or Tom Blyth… however, on occasion, those Theo James, Tom Hardy, and Miguel Harichi catch my eye…

So I'm attracted to two types of men (boys?) — what my friends have coined the Red Team and Blue Team.

Blue Team: A blue collar with a trust fund type of energy and really hilarious; no filter; maybe slightly immature, but also super intelligent; caring, almost golden-retriever aura. The Blue Team is comparable to Tramp from Lady & the Tramp — the free-spirited, naturally smart mutt. I'm realizing now that the Blue Team may just be a variation of dogs, because another great representation of a true Blue Team Player is anyone from the Australian genetic pool or someone of that ilk; brown hair, a nice tan, maybe little freckles would be good. It goes without saying they'd sport some scruff, and a little gold hoop in their soft earlobes.

Red Team: A "bad boy" who is secretly a softie; funny; externally really tough, and then internally soft; extremely intelligent, and not always humble about it; athletic (pro if they were a former athlete, or current). The Red Team is comparable to Raphael from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. A little tangent, but bear with me… when my friends and I were in preschool, we all chose a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle to represent, and I got Raphael, not by choice but because he was the one that no one wanted since his name was so long and complicated for us wee lads. But it turns out Raphael ended up being the best turtle of 'em all. So, while I originally had to settle in the pitied state of carrying on Raphael's legacy through a pre-pubescent girl, I found that in letting go of my prejudice and ideation of these turtles, I was blessed with the one for me. Anywho, the Red Team Player has an unspeakable amount of aura and dare I say … swag (eeeek, I said it!).

Both genres of men can be comparable to Clark Kent // Superman, because while they may appear to be one thing on the outside, there is more than what meets the eye. (Oh my gosh, they are literally like ogres… because ogres have layers, like onions… which means all men kind of smell and make you cry?)

Ourhhh my goshhh! I totally got sidetracked…

The point of this spiel is to address — again — my love for the notion that two things can be true at once.

I can fancy two very different genres of men. I can despise a turtle because of his complicated name and demure attitude, and then grow into loving those qualities. I can feel this pain and grief about knowing I'll never be with my celebrity crush while also knowing that is a mere fantasy — an unattainable goal (however, you could argue that nothing is impossible, and if you really want that person you can go find them, even though that will most likely entail borderline stalking and psychopathic behavior).

So, while it pains me that I realistically will never marry Jacob Elordi nor my other Supermans of celebrity stature, that doesn't mean I'm not going to marry my own Clark Kent.

Everyone has their own wants, needs, and desires. When we can let go of the constraints these put on our lives and perspective, we start accepting and opening up to all sorts of amazing opportunities, environments, and superheroes.